Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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