I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
