what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
