who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
