he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
