you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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