Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
