Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
