Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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