How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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