there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
