One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I licked your asshole in confidence.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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