Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
