I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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