I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
