i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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