my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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