I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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