He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
