i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
