He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
