You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
