I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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