I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
