I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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