I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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