I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
i need some magic done to my vagina
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
