all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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