somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize