So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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