Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
