he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I think I won the penis lottery.
its not stalking. its research.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
