omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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