Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
