OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just got carded by a ten year old.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
