My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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