This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
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WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
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We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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