went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
