Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
