Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
