Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
