I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
