I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
