Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
