Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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