Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I would ride that face into the sunset
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
