Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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