Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
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Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
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I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
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