ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
