ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
