beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
