just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
did i just pee glitter
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
