Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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