Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
