Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
