found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
