Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
