I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
All I want is dick and wine.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
