Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
