I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
