Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
