Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
