Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
