I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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