I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I have grass duct taped all over my body
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
