Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
