i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It's official drugs can't kill me
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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