you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
