i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I think my vagina is haunted
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
tonight lets celebrate not being married
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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