before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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